Obstacles That Seem Insurmountable When You’re Depressed

  • Finding a working pen.
    Seriously.
    If this is Step One in your plan for the day, and you’re relying on the Plan to get you through, the Plan unravels.

    Fix: Stock working pens ahead of time, somehow.

  • The Kitchen.
    The kitchen is pretty much the bane of my existence when I’m depressed. Our kitchen is tiny. We have very little counter space. Dishes piled in the sink drive me crazy. This means it takes approximately two meals (assuming I don’t have the wherewithal to clean as I go, like I do when I’m not depressed) to turn the kitchen into what feels like a hopeless wall of chaos.

    Fix: Suck it up and do one-pot meals out of boxes or microwave meals and so forth for a while. There are enough reasonably healthy options that you can do this for a while. The world won’t end. Better yet, if you can afford it, eat out and let someone else do the work. The goal is to survive. You can get back to home cooking and optimal nutrition once that’s settled.

  • The broken pedal on the Road Bike.
    The Road Bike has been a litany of disaster lately. The crankarm continues to behave, but I somehow hosed up a pedal on its most recent ride. The little clippy binding part got flipped somehow. I’m pretty sure it’s repairable, but the idea of messing with it makes my head want to explode.

    Fix: I don’t know. New pedals, keep these as a backup pair? Just put MTB pedals on for now? Pay someone else to fix it? Just ride something else until I’m better? Normally, I’d go out and give it the old college try. Right now … I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Obviously, it could be worse. I am managing to get out of bed in the morning (after reading until my eyes bleed). I am feeling decent enough to understand that there’s humor in the fact that being unable to locate a working pen feels like a huge insurmountable problem. Today I took a bath.

I am finding motivation to do things that require minimal effort and minimal concentration. I did get out on the bike and pick up some groceries, though it was a much more difficult task than it should have been. I got easy food: packages of noodle things to which one needs only add water; steaks that are already thawed; 30-minute marinades; a couple of ham steaks; a thing of “Artisan Lettuce” (a concept that makes me giggle when I’m not depressed; right now, it just makes me angry).

I also got some Kroger brand Instant Breakfast stuff because eating in the morning has become a problem again, but either it tastes weird or my sense of taste is hosed. Or both.

Edit: So the packages of noodly things are quite good, if not 100% optimal nutritionally. They’re the “Bear Creek” brand, on sale this week at Kroger. I made the creamy chicken orecchiette kind last night and added a metric boatload of frozen peas — I love peas in noodly things — and the end product proved pretty tasty and pretty filling. I think I’m going to pick up a bunch more of these on my way to drop off the Tricross for its fall tune-up. Meanwhile, the Instant Breakfast stuff tasted weird because the milk has prematurely gone off, which I noticed this morning (I opted to eat some of the orecchiette for breakfast today instead). prefer almond milk anyway, so I’ll pick up some of that, too.

Today, the Tricross goes to the shop, in theory. Wednesday I plan to take Denis out for a mid-week date night, since he flies out on Thursday for Burning Man. There are people around if things go south for me while he’s away. Also the cat.

We’re doing a populaire this weekend (Sunday, I think?). It’s time to start thinking about fall gravel races and ‘cross (or not). I think I’m going to plan to do the local brevet series next year. The 200k should be no problem; I think the 300k will be acceptably doable; things will start to get harder at the 400k mark. Still, it would be really cool to get a 200, 300, 400, and 600 in in 2014.

The fact that I’m able to think about this stuff is a good sign.

Keep the rubber side down.

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About asher

Me in a nutshell: Standard uptight ballet boy. Trapeze junkie. Half-baked choreographer. Budding researcher. Transit cyclist. Terrible homemaker. Getting along pretty well with bipolar disorder. Fabulous. Married to a very patient man. Bachelor of Science in Psychology (2015). Proto-foodie, but lazy about it. Cat owner ... or, should I say, cat own-ee? ... dog lover. Equestrian.

Posted on 2013/08/20, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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